Theo's Dilemma
by leonheart2012
Summary: Stiles asks Theo what's wrong, and Theo says more than he intends to.


Theo was starting to get annoyed that his mind kept wandering. Every time he thought about success, and how close he was, Stiles would pop into his mind.

"But what about _me_ Theo? How do you think I'll feel?"

 _I don't care_. Theo thought. A pack was all he'd ever wanted, and since Scott wasn't letting him in, he would destroy them.

"But what about me? You wouldn't kill poor, innocent Stiles would you?"

 _I can and I will, unless you join me._ Theo hadn't realised he'd been talking out loud until Stiles said, "What was that, Theo?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine." Theo was internally cursing himself while he put on his best fake smile. Stiles looked at him from the corner of his eyes.

"Okay, I know I don't trust you, but what is _wrong_ with you? I don't have werewolf hearing or smell or any of that kind of shit, but I do have _eyes_. What the hell is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting weird all week." Theo opened his mouth to object, and Stiles was quick to add, "more weirdly than usual. So whether you lie or not, I want you to tell me what's going on. And if you do lie, make it a good one."

Theo considered lying, but thought it would be more beneficial, not to mention interesting, if he didn't. "You. You're what's been bothering me. You've been on my mind. I've saved you several times, and yet you still don't trust me. I want you to trust me, Stiles. I can't stand the way you look at me, like I'm some _monster_. It _hurts_ , more than you could know. I just… my heart feels like it's squeezing so tight, like it's trying to strangle itself, and I can't… I can't breathe." Theo was surprised how openly honest he was being, and he willed himself to stop, but the words were flowing now. "I want to be _loved_ , Stiles. No one's ever done that before, and you're so right, Stiles, I _am_ a monster. I'm helping the Doctors, and I know they don't love me, but you don't love me either , just like my sister, my friends, my parents." _Oh, god, no, stop._ "I tried to get them to love me, but they never did, so I set them on fire, and I watched her drown, and I _loved_ them. Why does nobody love me, Stiles?" Theo was breathing hard, tears in his eyes and he felt raw. He kept his eyes ahead, taking deep breaths, trying to steady his breathing. He couldn't stand to look at Stiles.

Stiles considered the question for a moment. "Well, maybe no one loves you because you _burn_ _them_ if they don't. Ever thought about that? And maybe your parents did love you, and you just couldn't see it. Sometimes, I think my dad doesn't love me, or that my mum didn't love me, but then I remember all the things they did for me. They made me breakfast, took care of me when I was sick, were proud of me, even when they found out about the ADD. Parents are there to love you." He knew that now was not the best time for sarcasm, but he sensed that Theo wanted an answer that was raw _Stiles_ , and an answer like that came in a package, sarcasm and all.

Theo listened to the answer, feeling the sincerity and wanting to believe it, but he just couldn't. He thought back over everything his parents had done, how they'd tried so hard to make him someone he wasn't, and then looking so _disappointed_ when he hadn't complied. He thought about his sister, how she'd run and scream when she saw him, and said 'ew' every time he'd tried to hug her, how many times she'd tied him to something and left him to starve, how much they'd all hurt him, for so long, and felt a rush of anger and despair, and remembered his parents crying out for mercy as they burned alive, how his sister had finally reached for him, only in her last moments, shivering. He felt sad, sure, but they'd deserved it. They were family. They were supposed to love each other. "But we fought all the time, just like I did with my sister."

Stiles sighed, feeling overwhelmed. Theo felt like he'd never been loved, and here he was, trying to convince him otherwise. It was hopeless."That's what happens, Theo. That's called family. They fight with you because they want what's best for you."

Theo felt the anger and sadness in full force, like he did back then. He felt alone, like he'd always felt alone."But they…you didn't see the way they looked at me, like I was-"

Stiles rolled his eyes as he interrupted. "A monster? Theo, Scott's mom, when she found out about him being a werewolf, could barely look at him for about two weeks." An idea hit Stiles, as he thought about some of his favourite music. "And believe it or not, Theo, you're not the only one who feels like this. Just listen to _Someone Who Cares_ by Three Days Grace. There are plenty of songs, books, poems, movies about it. It's such a common thing. And Scott loves you. Just remember that." Stiles smiled as he remembered Scott loving Isaac, Liam, Jackson, Derek, even Peter, just after he'd met them. "Scott always loves everyone. Even if you murder his family, he'll love you. Go ask him. Theo, even if you don't feel loved, someone out there _does_ love you. I bet there are at least two girls out there tonight, fantasising about you loving them _back_. You don't see people loving you because you're not looking for it. Really looking for it. So look for it."

"I _have_ looked for it, really looked for it, and all I found was hatred and fear." Theo kept crying, not even trying anymore to hide his sobs. He'd never been so open with anyone, and he so hoped that Stiles wouldn't turn him away.

"I sense that I'm not going to get through to you," Stiles said, and Theo sobbed just a little harder. He knew where this was going. "So instead, I'm going to get Scott."

Theo looked up, surprised. "What, no! Don't tell him! Please!"

"And why not? If anyone, he'll understand. He'll try if he doesn't. He'll forgive you if he can't. He's the best person I know."

"Then why haven't you told him about Donovan?"

"That's different. He expects more from me, and I can't… I can't let him down like that."

"If I tell him about me, you have to tell him about you."

Stiles sighed, weighing up the good and the bad. Scott _was_ the best person he knew, and there was a good chance he'd forgive him, but what if he didn't? What if he never looked at Stiles the same again? But what if it got worse? What if, the longer he waited, the less likely it was that Scott would forgive him? And what if it helped Theo to tell Scott? Finally, he made his decision. "Fine. We'll write it down, as insurance, and if we can't say it, we'll show him what we've written, yeah?"

Theo nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay, we'll meet tomorrow, at Scott's house, after school."

"Wait. I'll want to meet in study hall, so I can read what you wrote, and you can read mine. I don't want to show him something…inadequate."

"Theo, the point of this is so that you write it _for_ Scott, for _you_. I'm not going to read it. And you're not going to read mine. If you really think it's necessary, I'll hold onto what you write, but I'm not going to look at it."

"But what if…what if I can't find the words?" Theo looked down at his hands. "What if I can't write what I need to write? Stiles, I might need your help."

Stiles sounded exasperated. "Okay, then record it. I don't know, we just need to tell him."

Theo nodded. He went to get out of the car, but paused. "Thank you, Stiles."

Stiles didn't get to say anything else as a flaming fist smashed into Theo's face. "Theo!" Stiles suffered much the same fate, seconds later.

Theo panted lightly, trying to breathe in anything other than smoke. With horror, he saw that Stiles' jeep was turned over. He rushed around to the driver's side, where he found Stiles half lying out of the car. He pulled him out, and Stiles began to stir.

Stiles was pressed against Theo's chest. "Are you okay?" Theo looked concerned.

Stiles was breathing heavily, trying to get his breath back. "Yeah, you?"

"Yeah. You know what we said about tomorrow?" Theo let Stiles go, who turned to face him. He was still breathing hard.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think this can wait."

"I think you might be right."

"Stiles, I can't do this." Theo and Stiles were standing in front of Scott's house. Theo was nervously shifting from foot to foot.

Stiles turned to look at Theo. "Just take some deep breaths, shake some limbs. We'll be okay. As I said, Scott is the best person I know. He'll forgive us. I know it."

Scott opened the door. "Forgive what?"

Stiles was filled with despair, and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and released it, running his tongue over them. "Scott, can we come in? We've got something to talk to you about."

Scott looked concerned. "Okay."

Theo was having a hard time looking at anything but the floor, and Stiles couldn't look at Scott. Instead, he kept his eyes on Theo. Stiles led Theo inside where they went to sit on the couch.

"So what is it?" Scott asked after a few minutes of silence.

Stiles looked at Theo, who was slightly shaking, looking at his tightly entwined hands. "Well, I don't think Theo is going to tell you first, so here's my story."

So Stiles told Scott about how he'd killed Donovan, about the threats he'd set, and by the end, he was teary from emotion and he was staring into his lap. He noticed that his hand was laying out of his lap, and he followed his arm to see that he'd grabbed Theo's hand at some point. He had no memory of that happening, but he was glad for that comfort.

"Theo, you okay to go now?"

Theo shook his head.

"Okay, Theo, I've done mine, now you have to do yours. Like we agreed, yeah? Theo?" Theo was hyperventilating, and Stiles immediately realised that Theo was having a panic attack. "Theo. Theo, it's okay. Just breathe. Come on, in and out. Breathe with me. Theo. In, and out, in and out, in and out. Theo? Theo, are you okay?"

Theo was still hyperventilating, so Stiles took Theo's face in his hands. "Theo, look at me. It's okay. Scott, do you have your asthma stuff?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I need it." Scott handed over his inhaler, which he gave to Theo. "Just breathe. Theo?"

"I was having an asthma attack?"

Suddenly, Scott got what his friend was doing. "No, you were having a panic attack, but thinking you were having an asthma attack stopped the panic attack. Stiles used the same technique on me." Scott smiled. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I really…I don't know why that…thanks." Theo was looking down at his hands again, and went very quiet, and very still, like a mouse.

Stiles took Theo's face in his hands again. "Theo, look at me. It's okay. Just talk to me, like you did before. You can do this. Forget about everyone else. Talk to me, tell me what you did, starting from the beginning. What happened?"

Theo got a troubled look on his face. "They tried to change me. They only wanted girls. The hospital people said that they couldn't do that until I was eighteen, and even then, only if I wanted to. I didn't know what it meant, but when I was younger, it was okay. They dressed me like a girl, treated me like a girl, but I wasn't. And they knew that some time, I would have to become a man, and they hated that, but I still loved them. My sister hated me too. She would tie me to anything, and leave me for hours, but I still played with her." Theo's expression darkened.

"When I hit thirteen, though, I realised what she was doing. She would leave me for longer and longer, sometimes for days, and so when we played again, I waited by the river. She came, and went to tie me up, and I knocked her out and put her in. I was going to get her out, if only she wouldn't do it again, but she said she wouldn't stop until I made mum and dad happy. It was then I realised what they wanted to do to me and why, and so I left her, and I asked them. They didn't even try to deny it. It was like they were proud that they were trying to change me." Theo was openly crying now, his chest heaving. Stiles could see Scott doing the same from the corner of his eye. "So I burnt them. And the Doctors found me standing at the bridge where my sister was. I was watching her reaching out for me, after all that pain, it was only when she was dying she said she was sorry. The Doctors wanted to change me too. But they wanted to make me stronger, and they promised me something I never had. A pack, people who would love me, and whom I would love. So I took it. I was alone, and raw, and angry. I'm sorry I did, but then, I was just thinking about the result. I grew jealous of you. I could see how close you were to each other, and I wanted that, so desperately, so I wanted to destroy all that you had. That's why I convinced Donovan to go for you, instead of your dad."

Stiles interjected here. "But in sending him after me, you saved my dad. Theo, you might not have meant to, but you saved my dad and my friends."

"But that's not the only bad thing I've done. I've helped them kidnap people, kill them. How could I have been so delusional?"

"You were taken advantage of. Theo, that's okay. Everyone wants something. Everyone has a breaking point. They swooped in when you were vulnerable. They're the ones at fault."

"He's right, you know. And even if it didn't look, or feel like it, I loved you, Theo. Right from the moment I met you. I knew you were a good person."

"That's not…but I've killed people, willingly killed people." Scott came and sat next to Theo, and Theo turned to him.

"It's okay that you've done that. I forgive you, and so will everyone else. I'm going to let you in the pack, Theo. You won't be the Alpha, but you'll have a place, and we'll take care of you, and love you, if you'll take care of us, and love us."

Theo looked stunned. "I will, I will, but why?"

"Because, Theo, we love you. And because you're a good person. And because you belong here, with us." Theo looked to Scott for confirmation, and he nodded his head. Theo smiled through his tears and fiercely hugged Scott and Stiles in turn.

"I love you, too."


End file.
